Or this...and not desperately, so desperately want to move back. Immediately.
And yes, mentally I realize if we did move back that things probably would not be exactly the same as they were when I lived there. I'm just guessing that our family of 5 probably couldn't get a mortgage for the $550 Joy and I were paying to live here.
Nor could I work part-time at an office minutes from Seal Beach, wear my bikini under my work clothes, and sunbathe on the beach during my lunch hour. And not just because my Whelpers Cup body is no longer bikini friendly. The $14/hour, no benefits lifestyle just doesn't cut it for someone with a pacemaker.
With 3 children in tow, teaching a children's choir for $250 a semester wouldn't cover the cost of a babysitter no matter how much joy it brings, not to mention I wouldn't have hours upon hours to wile away alone trying to find just the right music to teach. And my friends have literally scattered. Most are still in So. CA to be sure, but they are no longer going to my old church which was my lifeblood. (The faithful few that are will be rewarded later this week with a post unto themselves.)
Regardless. Somehow in my heart, I think I could still make it work. So much so that typically when I return from CA, I badger my husband mercilessly about finding a job there so we can move back. Predictably, this trip was no different.
What was different was this. On Tuesday night of this week, I had a meeting at church. When I came home around 9:00pm, Jeff had found a job opening in Irvine, CA that looked interesting and he was well qualified for (With Capital Group of all places, KP, if you are reading this.). Considering my west coast heritage and my inflated opinion of life there, you'd think that I would have leapt for joy at the very prospect. But instead, I kind of panicked. Because as it turns out, I'm not ready to leave MY job. As accommodating as they have been of my telecommuting for the last four years, I'm pretty sure a 3-hour time difference would kill the deal.
So we are staying. For now. And I'm pretty much over my funk. I think. Because it's pretty hard to stay depressed when you realize maybe you are already on hallowed ground, it just has lot more humidity than you were expecting.